Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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