It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
