you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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