After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
