If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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