I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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