umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
