i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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