you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
