i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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