He kissed a someone with a penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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