just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
