what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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