The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
love makes seman taste better
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
