I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
