I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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