already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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