in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize