dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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