The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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