Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.