Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?