dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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