haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.