I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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