Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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