He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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