i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Never joke about your clitoris.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
