i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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