White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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