I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
