there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
