Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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