Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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