I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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