I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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