The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
