Yo dont text me then not text me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So much rum. So many feels.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The power of my boobs compel you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
