I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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