I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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