I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize