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I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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