I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
