small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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