can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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