oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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