You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
