Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
