I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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