Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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