Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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