your parents love me but you hate me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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