is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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