you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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