Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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