He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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