Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
