my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
