so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
