oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
