Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
