all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
3pm strippers are depressing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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