why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
