You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
