oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just want nice things and good sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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