I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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