a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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