Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
