Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
