We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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