on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
