Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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