she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They are going to name an STD after you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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