Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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