Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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