He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
