We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
