She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
