Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
